help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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