I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
