I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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