i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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