omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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