Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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