For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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