I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
