ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I will be naked everywhere
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I supernannyed him into submission
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
