i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
