Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
