so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
