I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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