i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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