apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
