just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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