are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
