Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Someone shattered a urinal.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
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