im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
