I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
