Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
