I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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