pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
