I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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