hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
