So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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