Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
