this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Randomize
