I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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