Is it because I queefed?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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