we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
