ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
