I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
