my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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