one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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