he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
