the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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