this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
