Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
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Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
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how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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