I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize