yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
