I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
