i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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