They should really pass out barf bags in church
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
