i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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