I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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