My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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