I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I have fence marks all over my body
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
