Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
