Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
