Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
