I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
