Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
