i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
