All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
