You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We're too hungover to prance.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
