so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
