Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
