your parents love me but you hate me
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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