MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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