Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
