What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I know her cup size but not her name....
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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