WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
