he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
