Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
