Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
