Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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