hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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