3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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