They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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