So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
