I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
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I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
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I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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