She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
