The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
