next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
