I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
