we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
