Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
