Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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