is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
They are going to name an STD after you.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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