I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
