How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
