just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
