I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She bit a glass in half.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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