So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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